An Epilepsy Warrior's Journey

A very common question I get is "do you suffer from epilepsy? " I can understand why people would think "suffer" would be the correct word, but it's not. I don't get offended because I've heard that question countless times and I don't take criticism seriously.  Instead of "suffer", I would say "struggle" because its a less extreme term.  When I tell people I have epilepsy, they think "oh my gosh this poor young lady!" I feel so bad for her. First off, I'm not that empathetic about myself. Second, is I feel bad for the person saying that vs the other way around because of lack of education.  Finally, I appreciate why people would think that, but I wouldn't change my point of view about having  epilepsy. I find the best way to understand an epileptic's point of view is having to learn about it.  The reason why I write, promote, advocate, and stand up for myself is to show the world what I'm capable of and ...

Merry Christmas Everyone!  

I'm super happy to be a boxer. It has been a gift that I never expected to have. This sport has helped with getting in shape, having  discipline, growing as a person, gain confidence and more. The trainers and owners are extremely nice people. They are like family to me.  I started boxing on late June, 2021. My boxing instructor has been one of the best people I've ever met on this entire planet. Him and the other trainers seem like father figures and any kind of family figures too. He cares about my well being, sees what my heart is saying, makes me laugh and feel better, and more. Everything we work on is very beneficial and fun at the same time. Even if I can be a bit of a show off. 🤣 The entire staff cares about myself and I do the same back. These people are more than just trainers, they are family. I feel like I'm in a different world and it feels magical with everyone. Family and magic make the feeling of love.  Love is what bonds people together and can last fore...

I noticed a few things ever since the dog attack on December 11th. First thing, is it is an event I will never forget about. Second, is I've felt different like not having the holiday spirit. I haven't felt like that ever since then. Last, is it is harder to maintain happiness.  Everyone has felt bad for me and their point of views have given me conflicted/ unwanted thoughts.  I've been experiencing so much trauma that it has affected my every day life. I just want people to be quiet and leave me alone because my stress has become harder to manage. The only thing that's made me truly happy is boxing because it helps deal with stress and makes me have a great time.  Anyway, I wanted to figure out what might be causing all this and it turns out I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This has not been the first time I've experienced PTSD, and this time might be worse. It has given me nightmares, flashbacks, anger, panic, fear, anxiety, isolated, sadness/ depress...

Have you ever heard of what a personal bubble is? If so, that is what auras basically are. They are events where you are in your own atmosphere. In this atmosphere, a seizure is about to happen. It's actually an interesting process.   It starts when a trigger disrupts the nervous system and an electrical shock travels from the system to the brain. During the process, the body becomes unstable and loses all the senses. When the body starts losing its senses (hearing, movement, thinking, etc.) an aura happens.   Even if something is happening in the moment, an aura blocks those moments creates your own world.   If there is a scene around you, auras make it so you don't know what's happening on due to lack of focus and your surroundings.   An example is I was in a classroom that was very hot and there were presentations happening. However, since heat is one of my triggers, an aura started to happen.  It started when I lost my sense of surroundin...

There are many ways on how we define our personalities and even our own appearances. Some people show it by designing their hair, nails, skin, makeup, and more. There is also the ways on what we believe in that make us who we are. Everyone is different and defining ourselves is what shows who we truly are.  Most things that defines me are the activities I enjoy doing.  I would consider myself as an advocate, beauty queen, athlete, gym rat, a warrior, artist, hard worker and movies watcher. While I love being cute, sweaty, brave, and creative at the same time.  I do not let epilepsy define my personality and my physical appearance. Honestly, I'm happy just the way I am. Its a decision if I want epilepsy to define my personality.  I spread epilepsy awareness because it helps keeps others aware about the condition and people living with it too.  I could of hid in the dark and not share my story or facts about this brain disorder. Instead, I want to show what I'm ca...

On December 11th, I experienced one of the most traumatic events in my life. I had my left hand attacked and bitten by a dog. I was outside waiting for the owner to get the dog and all of a sudden, the dog attacked my hand and it started bleeding like crazy. It turns out I had 5 bites from the dog and couldn't look at my bleeding hand while neighbors came over to help. The event was scarier than my swollen injury. I could not even look at it and I eventually became traumatized from the experience.  The next day, I was extremely stressed and tired. I slept for most of the day and could not stop thinking about trauma and sadness. An hour later, I had a seizure from so much stress from the event and became more tired. I kept putting ice on my hand and taking ibuprofen. My left hand was so much bigger than my right hand and swelling kept continuing. I kept thinking to myself, I did not deserve this or to suffer through so much trauma. Every time I texted, sent an email, put gloves on, ...

Now, are there any benefits of giving up? I don't think so. Giving up is like ripping out a piece of your personality. Here is why.  In life there are so many things that can make us discouraged.  Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest difference.  Some examples that might make us give up are failing a test, losing a game, negative feelings about ourselves,  trying something for the first time you've never experienced,  unpopularity,  finding love and hope, accidents, physical therapy,  being hospitalized and more. However, giving up is the worst thing you can do because what if there's a project you get discouraged on , but eventually get an A+ on it?  You would probably feel dumb/ negative emotions because you made things harder than they needed to be, and that's not always necessary.   Discouragement is my greatest enemy, and it gets me worked up/ stressed over nothing extreme. I thought I was failing a self portrait (belo...

There is so much fear in the world.  I know we're going through a terrible pandemic and we probably have lots of fear. However, we have to remember bravery can help conquer those fearful moments.   It is difficult bein g brave, but it's better than living the fear of life. I understand I could maybe die from a seizure, but I stay brave because bravery leads to the right path. It is a great skill under leadership and strength . Instead of fearing, I just live the best life I can make and live in the moment.   Ever since I heard I have epilepsy, I've been nothing but a warrior who fights to believe what's right. It's healthy to stay brave because that's what keeps us motivated and makes us feel strong.  There are so many ways on how to stay brave, like positive self talk, being mindful, learning from mistakes, paying attention to the right and wrong signs in life, taking the good with  the bad, and more.  Being brave doesn't mean having a cape, shie...

I remember Walt Disney told me, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible ". I believe him because there are so many events in my life I've never thought would be possible. I wanted to follow in his footsteps and try the impossible.   The impossible has made myself happier than ever. Some of the happiest moments I've had are graduating college, going back to college, becoming better at boxing thanks to my instructor, getting youth of the year award from my job, becoming an inspiration and advocate about spreading epilepsy awareness,  and more. Even getting feedback from my professors creates more happiness on my face. I find hard work pays off and that's part of the impossible.  I was afraid epilepsy would keep myself away from so many accomplishments. I noticed having a lot of fear is not worth it. Instead,  I fight epilepsy,  and I don't let it get in the way of amazing achievements. I was not expecting any of them to happened. Doing the impossible has made...

I believe it is important to have a strong education. Whether it is elementary,  high school,  college, and more. Education can lead us in so many paths. I'm very grateful I get to attend college, because some people with epilepsy are not able to due to certain issues. However, art therapy and our talent in art has helped and I consider that as education.   I actually did not need to take seizure aid or go to epilepsy school (if that was real). I got it from my heart, neurologist,  research, and being part of the epilepsy community. However, there's no such thing as too much education.  I just wish there was an epilepsy school because it can help provide tools incase you encounter someone with epilepsy.   Education has actually made me want to start this blog. I've never have gotten this far if it wasn't for my family and the community. I've graduated elementary,  high school and even college.  I'm going back to school because I like to ...

Epilepsy is a neurological disorder where abnormal brain activity from damage of the nervous system causes seizures.   A trigger causes electrical brain activity from the damage in the nervous system which creates a  disturbance warning a seizure is about to happen. The electric cells move from the nervous system and travels to the brain and shocks it. The cells work as neurotranslators to fight the shock while a seizure is happening and they return back to normal once the seizure is over. These cells are so powerful that when you have a seizure, the entire body uses ALL of its energy and that's why its normal to feel tired after a seizure.   I once was in a very hot classroom and heat is one of my triggers. Although I was having water, I still couldn't handle it. The abnormal cells got the sign something was wrong and my body starts shaking because I'm losing control of everything. All a sudden,  they travel up to shock my brain,   my body starts...

A lot of people (not everyone) thinks epilepsy is a big deal. It can be, but only if you make it that way. Seizures, triggers and auras can be scary, but they are scarier to people who are uneducated about epilepsy awareness. When I think of epilepsy, I'm like, "sure it's scary, but it is not worth the fear of dying or getting injured." I just enjoy my life as an epileptic and am proud of always being myself." My family and the epilepsy community don't find me as a threat or a danger to society. They find me as a young and growing lady.  I'm not a danger to society, epilepsy is just something that has always been a part of me. It is called being human, not a monster. However, if you are wearing those blinders and only are looking at my health concern, then you are the people missing out . Missing out on a chance to meet someone and you might reject just because of my epilepsy? If so, than it's your loss, not mine. I've been learning that lesson my...

In life there are 3 states we listen to, our mind, emotions, and body. However, have you ever thought of listening to the heart, instead of letting the mind take over our actions? The mind is powerful because it can take over our emotions and makes us feel at a vulnerable state. An example is right now in my life, my mind has been focusing on the future, which has not given my heart the chance to focus on the present. I have to let my heart lead parts of my life and not just my mind. I took a deep breathe, let my heart take over and now I have feelings of happiness and sometimes despair. My mind figures out what is wrong, but my heart is telling me how to approach situations. Letting the heart guide your life flow naturally  without force is how situations turn out well.  Even though the 3 states we listen to are important, there is a reason why our hearts' beat differently. It is telling us a message we figure out in all the states. The mind passes along a message creating em...

 Anger is an extreme and intense emotion we feel. It can lead to negativity like aggression, anxiety, depression and stress. It is part of feeling  the fight or flight response. This is where we start to get mad and let the emotion out in an angry way. People with epilepsy deal with anxiety, depression and stress which brings so many tears down our eyes. We believe holding negativity will help us protect ourselves because the fear of acceptance and what people might think of us because we're different. Therefore, there is trouble with our emotions and letting things go. We need to have angry feelings, even if we don't want to. Anger helps us be aware of our surroundings, teaches us to let things go and motivate ourselves to a brighter future. The same goes with feeling anxious, depressed and stressed. Stress and anxiety helps ourselves be prepared about certain things like going in front of a crowd, meeting new people, taking risks and more. There would be a problem if we did ...